Wasting my time.

Back in mid October, I started seeing a girl called Olivia. I knew her for a good while before hand but she had a boyfriend. She was the first girl I started seeing since my last girlfriend, Eva. So for 9 months I hadn't been seeing anyone, which was grand. I enjoyed my time with Olivia, she was a lovely girl and I thought things would work out for the best, maybe have another relationship. It didn't work out that way, pity. We still talk sometimes so it's not so bad. I just felt like I kind of wasted my time hoping that things would work out when I knew deep down that they really wouldn't work out at all. I've made that mistake before. Wasting time hoping and wanting, when really all I had to do was realise the way things were really going to work out. It's not as easily thought out that way though, not with me anyway.

Since that episode I've started seeing a new girl. Well I don't know if I'd even call it that really, I'd like to think so anyway. She's a really nice girl and like Olivia, she's just come out of a pretty long relationship. Which isn't really a good thing seen as there's still going to be some emotion floating around the place and what not. Which can hold things back alot. She seems to be dealing with it well though, I'm happy about that. I don't want to fall into the same trap again thinking that I really like this girl and then be let down when I find out she doesn't feel the same. I end up feeling stupid, sad and annoyed. Empty. I don't want that to happen, so I have to be careful about this. Still though, I'd like for something to happen between us. I miss having that nice feeling inside, knowing that someone really cares for you, caring for them. Even loving them. I miss the happiness I use to feel inside. Am I wasting my time? Am I going to fall into the same fucking trap again and kick the shit out of myself for it? I hope I'm not wasting my time, I hope I'm going to be happy. She seems different to the other girls. More real or something. More interested.



When the girl you're seeing has other interests though, or other feelings for other people. That's what makes me think I could be wasting my time. I don't want to do that though. I think everything is going to work out this time round though. I have a good feeling about it. :)

I want to feel the love motherfucker.

Peace.