It's that time again, the monthly update. Nothing has changed really even though I thought things would have. As a person, I think I've changed a little bit. I'm better at dealing with things and finding the answers to my problems, or at least just assuming the answers to things. Which isn't the best way to go about things but it's better than leaving myself wondering about everything. I think maybe it's because I have too much time on my hands lately. I've been going to bed way too late and getting up way too late, which isn't good for me but the way I look at it, I'm not getting up for anything the next day. Time has been going by in different ways for me, sometimes fast and sometimes slow. I even forget what day of the week it is sometimes, but I guess that happens with most people.
I've been trying really hard lately to get things back on track with someone, I've never been more honest about things to someone before in my life and it doesn't seem to be paying off too much. I've expressed my feelings more than ever and I don't seem to be getting anywhere. I've been getting played so much lately. Don't get me wrong though, sometimes things are good, but then something will come up and ruin everything, maybe not for them, but for me. I now understand how loneliness can take a really big toll on someone. I've turned into a paranoid and worried person, it's nobodys fault but my own for letting it happen in the first place, but I guess we all learn the hard way sometimes. Even though I feel that I've changed in some good ways, I've also changed in some ways that I don't like. I'm constantly looking at my phone all the time and looking at the clock go by without any response from the person I'm trying to get attention from. I feel like I should give up, I know alot of people would rather I did, but as I always say to myself and other people, give it sometime and maybe things will pick up.
Tomorrow is Friday, I love Friday's. So I'm gonna try get up early, between 10 and 11 maybe. I'll cut the grass or something and actually do something my Mam wants done. Maybe then she'll stop complaining all the time. I'll have nothing to do after that, but she might give me money to go get my hair cut afterwards, which always makes me feel nice and fresh and generally better feeling. Hopefully that will go to plan but I'll more than likey end up watching loads of Prison Break Season 2 tonight which will have me up all night long.
In other news, I've been listening to the Starters Demo so much, and some Basement too. I love them two bands alot, the lyrics are the best things ever.
Hope really is just wishful thinking.
Until next time.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Life is Life.
So, looks like it's my time to update my blog. I don't know how it turned into a monthly thing but I kinda like how it's gone like that. Nothing has really changed this month. I still get trouble from my family about school and other things like leaving smokes in ash trays, leaving the milk out and shouting Finglas really loud from time to time. Not to mention having dinner made for me and then just not eating it. I go through little phases where I don't eat very much, or rather I eat when I feel like it. Usually it happens when something bad has happened or a girl has left me. In this case it's the girl side of things. My Mam is always giving out to me for getting caught up in the whole seeing girls thing, she thinks I need to take a break from them. She knows what she's talking about half the time but hardly ever makes sense to me. She's a woman full of stress and responsability. She does some amount of work around this house and she still mananges to put a smile on her face and go dancing almost every night of the week.
I've had a pretty confusing week.
I really need to stop going on about all my relationship shite on this.
Other than all of this, The Blind have been busy recording for the Split we're doing with Heartless from the US. We're doing two songs and I'm really liking the new kinda sound we have. I think it has more of an impact or something. Anyway, I can't wait for that to be released and I really can't wait for when we go on tour. I really hope it happens, I've always wanted to go on tour and it would mean so much to me if it happened.
I've been watching one video the past week so much. You need to watch it too. It's one of the new Frustration songs from the split they're doing with Crossbreaker from the UK. Frustration will always be one of my favourite bands.
I've had a pretty confusing week.
I really need to stop going on about all my relationship shite on this.
Other than all of this, The Blind have been busy recording for the Split we're doing with Heartless from the US. We're doing two songs and I'm really liking the new kinda sound we have. I think it has more of an impact or something. Anyway, I can't wait for that to be released and I really can't wait for when we go on tour. I really hope it happens, I've always wanted to go on tour and it would mean so much to me if it happened.
I've been watching one video the past week so much. You need to watch it too. It's one of the new Frustration songs from the split they're doing with Crossbreaker from the UK. Frustration will always be one of my favourite bands.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
I need to get away.
I haven't been abroad since last August. Which isn't too long ago I guess but I didn't enjoy it. I smoked way too much, drank too much and just felt like going home after a few days. Never again will I go on a Family holiday again. I should have just made the most of it but it's hard to just go and do shit on your own in a foreign country. I'd love to go somewhere with friends, no mental places or anything just somewhere nice and interesting with good food and cheap smokes and drink.
To do this I'll have to get a job, I had a job for a few months in Swords. I worked every Saturday at Impress Dry Cleaners and it was fun, the guy I worked with is a good friend of the family and I enjoyed cutting over 70 keys every Saturday, haha. Anyway I couldn't work there anymore because wages were being cut and hours were being cut so that was the end of my key cutting days.
I'm 18 now so there's no stopping me from getting a job. Not that it stopped me before but I'd like to work in a Music Store like HMV or something or a Game Store and you have to be 18 to work in places like that. I'm gonna make up some new CV's and go charming my life away in town this week.
Hopefully I'll get a job, save up and then move to Iceland for the rest of my life.
That's the plan anyway.
To do this I'll have to get a job, I had a job for a few months in Swords. I worked every Saturday at Impress Dry Cleaners and it was fun, the guy I worked with is a good friend of the family and I enjoyed cutting over 70 keys every Saturday, haha. Anyway I couldn't work there anymore because wages were being cut and hours were being cut so that was the end of my key cutting days.
I'm 18 now so there's no stopping me from getting a job. Not that it stopped me before but I'd like to work in a Music Store like HMV or something or a Game Store and you have to be 18 to work in places like that. I'm gonna make up some new CV's and go charming my life away in town this week.
Hopefully I'll get a job, save up and then move to Iceland for the rest of my life.
That's the plan anyway.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I'm trying.
Lately I've been trying real hard to reach into the mind of the girl I'm seeing. It's hard, but I'm trying real hard. I really want to know what she's thinking and what way she see's things. I'm getting somewhere but I know it's hard for her to just tell me everything, not everybody is open.
I really care about her and sometimes I don't think she see's that. I don't want to annoy her all the time by asking her what's bothering her but it pays off to tell me. I always listen to her and I've told her a hundred times that she can talk to me about anything. I'm sure other people have said the exact same thing to her but she'll see in time that I mean what I say. It doesn't really seem to work though. I'll keep trying and trying though because I want her to know that she's not alone, she can talk to me.
Alot of people would probably tell me that I'm mad to still talk to her after something that happened a few nights ago, I wasn't too happy about it but people make mistakes and I know that if i did what she did that I'd want another chance. I trusted her so much and maybe I just took it for granted that she wouldn't stray away from me. You probably think I'm sounding a bit serious when I'm only seeing the girl but I get hurt pretty easily. This time though, I've made it clear how I feel about her and about other things. Hopefully this time things will go according to plan. I don't want to jump on her with all that relationship shite just yet, she doesn't want that yet and that's fine, I'll wait. That's how much it means to me.
I understand that if I was just out of a long relationship that I'd want to take things easy and not jump into anything, I understand that. I don't think she knows that I understand though. That's why she should just talk to me and not expect me to know what's on her mind because it makes things hard. The only way to sort things out and to find out what the story is, is to talk to one another.
Apart from all of this though, things have been going great for us if you ask me. Sometimes I get annoyed when people like Ex's get involved and start holding things back but it's nothing that wont go away or can't be fixed. I hope things keep going well and I'm confident that I'll be better this time around. I've made mistakes in my past relationship with Eva and it's only now that I think about the things I said and did that I turn to myself and say ''What the fuck was I doing?''.
I've learned alot from that relationship but it's hard to keep it in my mind. Sometimes I have to think ''Ok, Robbie remember what happened last time you did that''. I don't always remember to think that though.
Last Friday she came out to the house and we had an awesome time. She wasn't too keen on coming out at first because she was a bit nervous and I think she might have thought that by me inviting her out to the house that things might be getting a bit serious, which wasn't really the case. I was just getting sick of thinking everyone was looking at us everytime I went to give her a fucking kiss. Maybe I'm just paranoid. It was still nice to have her in the house though and have her meet my Mam and whoever else was in the house. I think she had a good time and I think she's glad she came out. I hope it happens again so we can have good times and watch some movies and shit. I'm happy with this girl and I hope she feels the same.
In other news, I definitely need a shave and another hair-cut. I'll put that on my to do list. That's if I had a to do list.
Until next time.
Peace.
I really care about her and sometimes I don't think she see's that. I don't want to annoy her all the time by asking her what's bothering her but it pays off to tell me. I always listen to her and I've told her a hundred times that she can talk to me about anything. I'm sure other people have said the exact same thing to her but she'll see in time that I mean what I say. It doesn't really seem to work though. I'll keep trying and trying though because I want her to know that she's not alone, she can talk to me.
Alot of people would probably tell me that I'm mad to still talk to her after something that happened a few nights ago, I wasn't too happy about it but people make mistakes and I know that if i did what she did that I'd want another chance. I trusted her so much and maybe I just took it for granted that she wouldn't stray away from me. You probably think I'm sounding a bit serious when I'm only seeing the girl but I get hurt pretty easily. This time though, I've made it clear how I feel about her and about other things. Hopefully this time things will go according to plan. I don't want to jump on her with all that relationship shite just yet, she doesn't want that yet and that's fine, I'll wait. That's how much it means to me.
I understand that if I was just out of a long relationship that I'd want to take things easy and not jump into anything, I understand that. I don't think she knows that I understand though. That's why she should just talk to me and not expect me to know what's on her mind because it makes things hard. The only way to sort things out and to find out what the story is, is to talk to one another.
Apart from all of this though, things have been going great for us if you ask me. Sometimes I get annoyed when people like Ex's get involved and start holding things back but it's nothing that wont go away or can't be fixed. I hope things keep going well and I'm confident that I'll be better this time around. I've made mistakes in my past relationship with Eva and it's only now that I think about the things I said and did that I turn to myself and say ''What the fuck was I doing?''.
I've learned alot from that relationship but it's hard to keep it in my mind. Sometimes I have to think ''Ok, Robbie remember what happened last time you did that''. I don't always remember to think that though.
Last Friday she came out to the house and we had an awesome time. She wasn't too keen on coming out at first because she was a bit nervous and I think she might have thought that by me inviting her out to the house that things might be getting a bit serious, which wasn't really the case. I was just getting sick of thinking everyone was looking at us everytime I went to give her a fucking kiss. Maybe I'm just paranoid. It was still nice to have her in the house though and have her meet my Mam and whoever else was in the house. I think she had a good time and I think she's glad she came out. I hope it happens again so we can have good times and watch some movies and shit. I'm happy with this girl and I hope she feels the same.
In other news, I definitely need a shave and another hair-cut. I'll put that on my to do list. That's if I had a to do list.
Until next time.
Peace.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
What's to come?
It's the question I've been asking myself the past month. Soon enough I'll be turning 18. My Birthday is on the 14th of March and I've been looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to going out and being able to go to shows without getting that sick feeling in my stomach while on the bus into town in fear that I wont get in. When I say I'm looking forward to it what I really mean is that I'm looking forward to the day that I turn 18 and not the fact that I can go out and get locked all the time. I'm really not that excited about the whole thing and I don't know why. Maybe I'll begin to appriciate it after a few weeks or something.
There's also other things that are coming into my life. The new girl. The babe. The funny one. Jill.
I'm still a little scared about the whole thing. I don't want to get into something for it to be a waste of time like the last one. Even though some things are getting in the way right now it's nothing that wont go away. I want to make something of this. She makes me happy so I'm not going anywhere. I'm glad I met her.
In other news, I'm in a new band with some of my best friends. I'm liking how it sounds and it feels really nice to hang out and play music that I love with these lads again. It never reallt felt right to me that we just stopped playing so I'm glad we're doing it again. I was 15 when I started playing music with them and they were some of the best days of my life and I hope to have many more with them. Being in two bands feels nice again too.
Even though I only really post once a month I still don't think it's enough time for me to give a real update. I seem to just repeat the same things in different words which I don't want to be doing.
Until next time.
I love you all.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Words.
In my last post I talked about how I wanted to be happy again. How I wanted to not only feel happy but to know that I'm making someone else just as happy as I am. I didn't think it would be an easy thing to happen. I thought feeling how I did a year ago would never happen again. Don't get me wrong now, I'm not just there yet. I see it coming though.
The hours and days that I've spent in Starbucks with this girl have made me think alot about things, about communication between people and how important it is to get to know one another. I feel really close to this girl in such a short amount of time and it's strange how it's happened. It's down to one thing though. Having the fucking mega chats about anything, having serious chats about past and present and of course talking in a general matter. I know everyone talks, don't think that I'm an idiot here. For me, communication between two people is something I never seen as important as I do now. Forget texting or talking online, they're good too but what I'm trying to say here is, I've never enjoyed talking face to face with someone as much as I do with this one.
My happiness is slowely regaining. I'm trying not to stray into doing or saying things that I have in the past which I've regretted doing, the strange thing is though, I feel that I haven't changed at all. I've changed in my own kind of way, but not a way that I think someone would notice.
I like how things are going right now, I'm getting out of the house more, getting to know more people which I've always liked doing. I hope things get better than this though, I have a strong mind that they will. There's just one thing that I'm struggling with, my trusting in people isn't really the best. Im starting to realise that I get jealous in other people too. I'm not liking it but I don't think it's something that I can help doing. Maybe eventually I'll over come it.
Other things are starting to pick up too. The Blind are getting some serious business done which I'm very excited about and happy about. I've recently started talking to Eva again, in little bits. I've always wanted to keep a friendship between us but I always thought it would be impossible. Nothing is impossible though and I hope things will be ok between us both.
I'm not quite sure where I was going with this post, some people wanted me to update and I only ever want to update when I have something worth saying. I suppose it's just a little mix of what's been happening and how I've been feeling. At this moment, things are going great, I'm feeling great and I want to keep it that way.
Maybe I'm not wasting my time after all.
The hours and days that I've spent in Starbucks with this girl have made me think alot about things, about communication between people and how important it is to get to know one another. I feel really close to this girl in such a short amount of time and it's strange how it's happened. It's down to one thing though. Having the fucking mega chats about anything, having serious chats about past and present and of course talking in a general matter. I know everyone talks, don't think that I'm an idiot here. For me, communication between two people is something I never seen as important as I do now. Forget texting or talking online, they're good too but what I'm trying to say here is, I've never enjoyed talking face to face with someone as much as I do with this one.
My happiness is slowely regaining. I'm trying not to stray into doing or saying things that I have in the past which I've regretted doing, the strange thing is though, I feel that I haven't changed at all. I've changed in my own kind of way, but not a way that I think someone would notice.
I like how things are going right now, I'm getting out of the house more, getting to know more people which I've always liked doing. I hope things get better than this though, I have a strong mind that they will. There's just one thing that I'm struggling with, my trusting in people isn't really the best. Im starting to realise that I get jealous in other people too. I'm not liking it but I don't think it's something that I can help doing. Maybe eventually I'll over come it.
Other things are starting to pick up too. The Blind are getting some serious business done which I'm very excited about and happy about. I've recently started talking to Eva again, in little bits. I've always wanted to keep a friendship between us but I always thought it would be impossible. Nothing is impossible though and I hope things will be ok between us both.
I'm not quite sure where I was going with this post, some people wanted me to update and I only ever want to update when I have something worth saying. I suppose it's just a little mix of what's been happening and how I've been feeling. At this moment, things are going great, I'm feeling great and I want to keep it that way.
Maybe I'm not wasting my time after all.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wasting my time.
Back in mid October, I started seeing a girl called Olivia. I knew her for a good while before hand but she had a boyfriend. She was the first girl I started seeing since my last girlfriend, Eva. So for 9 months I hadn't been seeing anyone, which was grand. I enjoyed my time with Olivia, she was a lovely girl and I thought things would work out for the best, maybe have another relationship. It didn't work out that way, pity. We still talk sometimes so it's not so bad. I just felt like I kind of wasted my time hoping that things would work out when I knew deep down that they really wouldn't work out at all. I've made that mistake before. Wasting time hoping and wanting, when really all I had to do was realise the way things were really going to work out. It's not as easily thought out that way though, not with me anyway.
Since that episode I've started seeing a new girl. Well I don't know if I'd even call it that really, I'd like to think so anyway. She's a really nice girl and like Olivia, she's just come out of a pretty long relationship. Which isn't really a good thing seen as there's still going to be some emotion floating around the place and what not. Which can hold things back alot. She seems to be dealing with it well though, I'm happy about that. I don't want to fall into the same trap again thinking that I really like this girl and then be let down when I find out she doesn't feel the same. I end up feeling stupid, sad and annoyed. Empty. I don't want that to happen, so I have to be careful about this. Still though, I'd like for something to happen between us. I miss having that nice feeling inside, knowing that someone really cares for you, caring for them. Even loving them. I miss the happiness I use to feel inside. Am I wasting my time? Am I going to fall into the same fucking trap again and kick the shit out of myself for it? I hope I'm not wasting my time, I hope I'm going to be happy. She seems different to the other girls. More real or something. More interested.
When the girl you're seeing has other interests though, or other feelings for other people. That's what makes me think I could be wasting my time. I don't want to do that though. I think everything is going to work out this time round though. I have a good feeling about it. :)
I want to feel the love motherfucker.
Peace.
Since that episode I've started seeing a new girl. Well I don't know if I'd even call it that really, I'd like to think so anyway. She's a really nice girl and like Olivia, she's just come out of a pretty long relationship. Which isn't really a good thing seen as there's still going to be some emotion floating around the place and what not. Which can hold things back alot. She seems to be dealing with it well though, I'm happy about that. I don't want to fall into the same trap again thinking that I really like this girl and then be let down when I find out she doesn't feel the same. I end up feeling stupid, sad and annoyed. Empty. I don't want that to happen, so I have to be careful about this. Still though, I'd like for something to happen between us. I miss having that nice feeling inside, knowing that someone really cares for you, caring for them. Even loving them. I miss the happiness I use to feel inside. Am I wasting my time? Am I going to fall into the same fucking trap again and kick the shit out of myself for it? I hope I'm not wasting my time, I hope I'm going to be happy. She seems different to the other girls. More real or something. More interested.
When the girl you're seeing has other interests though, or other feelings for other people. That's what makes me think I could be wasting my time. I don't want to do that though. I think everything is going to work out this time round though. I have a good feeling about it. :)
I want to feel the love motherfucker.
Peace.
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