I'm trying.

Lately I've been trying real hard to reach into the mind of the girl I'm seeing. It's hard, but I'm trying real hard. I really want to know what she's thinking and what way she see's things. I'm getting somewhere but I know it's hard for her to just tell me everything, not everybody is open.

I really care about her and sometimes I don't think she see's that. I don't want to annoy her all the time by asking her what's bothering her but it pays off to tell me. I always listen to her and I've told her a hundred times that she can talk to me about anything. I'm sure other people have said the exact same thing to her but she'll see in time that I mean what I say. It doesn't really seem to work though. I'll keep trying and trying though because I want her to know that she's not alone, she can talk to me.

Alot of people would probably tell me that I'm mad to still talk to her after something that happened a few nights ago, I wasn't too happy about it but people make mistakes and I know that if i did what she did that I'd want another chance. I trusted her so much and maybe I just took it for granted that she wouldn't stray away from me. You probably think I'm sounding a bit serious when I'm only seeing the girl but I get hurt pretty easily. This time though, I've made it clear how I feel about her and about other things. Hopefully this time things will go according to plan. I don't want to jump on her with all that relationship shite just yet, she doesn't want that yet and that's fine, I'll wait. That's how much it means to me.

I understand that if I was just out of a long relationship that I'd want to take things easy and not jump into anything, I understand that. I don't think she knows that I understand though. That's why she should just talk to me and not expect me to know what's on her mind because it makes things hard. The only way to sort things out and to find out what the story is, is to talk to one another.

Apart from all of this though, things have been going great for us if you ask me. Sometimes I get annoyed when people like Ex's get involved and start holding things back but it's nothing that wont go away or can't be fixed. I hope things keep going well and I'm confident that I'll be better this time around. I've made mistakes in my past relationship with Eva and it's only now that I think about the things I said and did that I turn to myself and say ''What the fuck was I doing?''.

I've learned alot from that relationship but it's hard to keep it in my mind. Sometimes I have to think ''Ok, Robbie remember what happened last time you did that''. I don't always remember to think that though.

Last Friday she came out to the house and we had an awesome time. She wasn't too keen on coming out at first because she was a bit nervous and I think she might have thought that by me inviting her out to the house that things might be getting a bit serious, which wasn't really the case. I was just getting sick of thinking everyone was looking at us everytime I went to give her a fucking kiss. Maybe I'm just paranoid. It was still nice to have her in the house though and have her meet my Mam and whoever else was in the house. I think she had a good time and I think she's glad she came out. I hope it happens again so we can have good times and watch some movies and shit. I'm happy with this girl and I hope she feels the same.

In other news, I definitely need a shave and another hair-cut. I'll put that on my to do list. That's if I had a to do list.

Until next time.

Peace.

What's to come?

It's the question I've been asking myself the past month. Soon enough I'll be turning 18. My Birthday is on the 14th of March and I've been looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to going out and being able to go to shows without getting that sick feeling in my stomach while on the bus into town in fear that I wont get in. When I say I'm looking forward to it what I really mean is that I'm looking forward to the day that I turn 18 and not the fact that I can go out and get locked all the time. I'm really not that excited about the whole thing and I don't know why. Maybe I'll begin to appriciate it after a few weeks or something.

There's also other things that are coming into my life. The new girl. The babe. The funny one. Jill.

I'm still a little scared about the whole thing. I don't want to get into something for it to be a waste of time like the last one. Even though some things are getting in the way right now it's nothing that wont go away. I want to make something of this. She makes me happy so I'm not going anywhere. I'm glad I met her.

In other news, I'm in a new band with some of my best friends. I'm liking how it sounds and it feels really nice to hang out and play music that I love with these lads again. It never reallt felt right to me that we just stopped playing so I'm glad we're doing it again. I was 15 when I started playing music with them and they were some of the best days of my life and I hope to have many more with them. Being in two bands feels nice again too.

Even though I only really post once a month I still don't think it's enough time for me to give a real update. I seem to just repeat the same things in different words which I don't want to be doing.

Until next time.

I love you all.